Coming Home

It's not what you're thinking. I haven't called it quits or packed my bags for the U.S. Actually, the title of this entry refers to the feeling I had when I was riding the bus into town yesterday, after my weekend in Nananu-i-ra. After spending a couple of days on a remote island off the coast of Viti Levu, I was surprised at how glad I was to be "coming home" to my apartment in the city. I just had that "I'm home" feeling, you know? It felt really good.
So I went to Nananu-i-ra for a couple of days with a few students from the U.S. who are doing a semester abroad here in Fiji. In a word, it was relaxing. The weather wasn't the greatest; it was cloudy and damp the entire time I was there, but we did manage to make the best of it. I went on a hike through the jungle and up into the highlands with this kid named Josh and a girl named Elicia. There wasn't much of a path most of the time and we should have packed a machete along, but we made it there and back again against the odds. Our trek was consumed with conversations about self-discovery, books and films that inspire us, digressions of humor of course, and ramblings about God and life and our place in the mix of all of it. It was enlightening to say the least. I feel I should note for some reason I think there's a purpose behind Josh and I meeting each other. Through our conversations it's become clear that we have similar life experiences and been through some of the same hardships. I'm not sure what God is going to teach me through meeting him, but it's refreshing to cross paths with a kindred spirit of sorts whilst here in a foreign land.
The rest of our days were pretty lax. I spent some time reading, thinking, and praying about my time here. I've still been struggling to figure out the purpose for which I've been sent to this place. I believe there are lessons to be learned for sure, but I'm still grasping at straws to discern what sort of wisdom I'm to be obtaining. I read something this weekend that struck me, however - "The teacher will teach only when the student is ready." I keep saying to myself "I'm ready!" but perhaps patience is the lesson itself.
I feel like I'm starting to turn a new leaf here. I really want to dive in. I have to admit that although I was sent here as an Ambassadorial Scholar, I haven't felt like much of an ambassador. I think I was just hesitant to commit myself to being here, maybe physically, but not emotionally or spiritually. In a way, and this sounds horrible, I was just hoping to get through each day by remembering that I'm a day closer to returning home. I couldn't admit that to myself, though, much less other people. I hope that doesn't offend anyone, I'm just being honest. Due to the fact that I wasn't sure I was even going to come here until about 3 weeks before my plane took off, my shotgun trip to Fiji wasn't something I was exactly prepared for mentally. For the first time in my life, I really wanted to be home in Iowa (I love Iowa!) but then whatever higher power who calls the shots was shipping me off to Fiji and I wasn't ready. The good news: I'm ready! I don't know what happened, but I just got a feeling the other day that made me super excited to be here! It's like I got my curiosity back; I want to explore, I want to invest. In fact, although I've been here for a month or so, I've decided that today is Day 1 for me here. I may have said it already by now, but I really mean it this time - I'm excited to be in Fiji! It's about time.
I know this post is a lot more reflective than my others so far, but I hope you'll bear with my ramblings. I still haven't found a proper journal yet, so I guess I'm using this site as the outlet for my thought-vomit. For what it's worth, thanks for sticking with me. OK, I've gotta go do some homework. For any of you who were wondering, grad school is tough even in a third-world country, haha! Take care and know that you are missed! I'll let you know what lessons I learn as soon as I realize them myself. Peace and grace.